Thursday, October 8, 2015

The Unraveling of a Professional Doer

This is Day 8 of a 31 Day Challenge. Catch up on the rest of the posts at my launch pad here.

"What do you do?"

 Everyone has been asked this question. Usually it is coupled with an awkward event where everyone is clasping a drink for security (be it alcoholic or not) and everyone is dressed to the nines.  No one generally knows anyone else, so we chit chat, pulling out the socially acceptable questions. "What do you do?" is supposed to give a glimpse into the other person. What they "do" must speak to their personality, their likes and dislikes, their level in society. 

But why is it what do you do, and not, who are you becoming?

Doing is my thing. I excel at doing. I do the dishes, the laundry. I do writing and reading challenges. I make the bed, clean the bathroom, help pay the bills... "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, Night and day is Cinderelly..."

I remain busy. Busy I am comfortable with; I can always find something on the "To Do" list, as it is perpetually being refilled and rewritten. I am confident with lists, strategies, and tasks to be completed. Being... not so much.

I recently started a new job in which being is sometimes more important than the doing... and it has been a struggle.  Before I started, everyone would ask, "What will you be doing?" I only had a vague sketch of my tasks and would answer shortly, with a one word description,"Tutoring..." usually trailing off and trying to quickly change the subject. Not knowing made me uncomfortable.

Even as I've begun working, the uncertainty of my job's description and expectations has thrown me into a frenzy.  Not only is my new job in a field I've had no professional training in, I'm also in a completely new environment. My incompetency grins fiendishly back at me. "I don't have a checklist. How will I prove I'm doing the right thing?" Cue panic and anxiety.

I was describing all of this to a friend today and she wisely said, "God is up to something."

A series about grace; a job focused on being a support; a dream about becoming a writer. There are threads in a masterpiece that are beginning to be woven together to reveal a greater design. I see signs pointing toward freedom and independence from a system of legalism and perfection. I'm not sure how it will unfold, but it will be interesting to eventually step back and see how each thread had a piece in a much greater design.

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