This is Day 6 in the 31 Day Challenge. If you're joining for the first time, head over to my launch page to catch up on my background with grace. Glad you've joined!
"Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: you become what the most important person in your life (wife. father, boss, etc) think you are." Philip Yancey from What's So Amazing About Grace?
|Credited to Florian Meimberg|
Today I visited a university I'm considering for a graduate degree in creative writing. I have often thought about returning to academia, but it has merely been a fleeting thought. Until recently. I took the plunge, contacted a local university and today I went. I LOVED the department.
Allow for a moment of gushing.
There was a whole floor dedicated to English, an entire building no less! In undergrad, the English department had one office that took up maybe half a floor. I loved my professors and am so thankful for their teaching, but a whole floor! There were, I think, 60 offices for professors of an English background. Squee!
Talking to them about the project I have in mind, the degrees I'm considering (low residency MFA or full residency MA), I felt at home. My family and friends are very supportive of me pursuing this avenue, but when I sat and answered questions about a novel I want to write, I felt so much pride and excitement. Affirming. Yes, very affirming.
I walked away, though, with the problem of deciding which degree to apply for. Certainly, I could apply for both, but which one do I feel would be the best fit for me? And you know what I immediately started doing? Thinking about what others have told me about me. Yes, those influences, those most important people who are so much wiser about me than I am. I added their opinions to the scale. And I've only found myself more confused.
When it comes down to it, they will support whatever decision I make, but I have to make it. Push down the fear of failure, remember you are allowed mistakes and look in the mirror. Who does God say I am? At the core, His Beloved. Actually, bottom line. Beloved.
The grace and truth of my identity may not answer the question to which program to choose, but it stills the panic. I breathe a sigh of relief (for a moment) before continuing to research and reflect. But for that moment, I hold onto the truth and let it simmer.