Just Do It

Do you remember a show called Fear Factor? A group of six people would submit themselves to an onslaught of disgusting or terrifying trials in the hopes of winning a grand prize of $50,000. Some of those trials included being covered with scorpions, eating bull testicles or jumping out of a helicopter. As an audience, we would watch with bated breath, wondering how in the world did they manage? From my observation, they never stopped being afraid or disgusted. They simply barreled ahead, mind focused on one phrase: "Just do it".

Defeating the fears that have frozen your progress can be thawed with the same mindset. In my case, I have had to stop avoiding their existence. Shoving them into a box and locking the lid doesn't defeat them, that merely muffles their cries. They still have power over me. I know because if that lock becomes broken, I'm anxious for them to appear. Like the Bogart in Harry Potter, the potential for fear sets me quaking. "What will they say this time? How will they have grown, transformed?" Out of sight, out of mind doesn't work.


Disgust attempts this tactic but Myths breaks the lock divulging her deepest fears to the other aspects, aspects she sees as inferior. She sees herself as the "strong one" because she doesn't break form. Her image is pristine. She is always calm and collected, never giving anything away. In my mind, she is the perfect PR representative: informed, intelligent, cold. She doesn't allow herself to feel.

No matter how much denial she uses to coat on a smirk and feign disinterest, the underbelly of her existence is fueled by the desire to never appear foolish. That's what disgust is, after all, "a feeling of revulsion or profound disapproval aroused by something unpleasant or offensive" (Google definition). The things that make us go "ew" are often morally or physically offensive and we elevate ourselves to be "above" those who would stoop so low as to engage in such an act. Mind you, there are gross things out there, like Hawaiian pizza, but the superior status stands even in this.

The act of superiority separates Disgust from the other aspects, but it also disconnects her. When we fear vulnerability we essentially cut ourselves off from our community. Covering up our mistakes and failures to appear perfect makes us less human. (Do you know of one person who has no regrets?) Lack of vulnerability leaves us with a pristine image of deleted blemishes. With that appearance, people assume we can't relate. We are too far removed from the dirt of life. Isolation begins. Before we know it, we are an island unto ourselves. The only way off this island is to build a raft out of our true identities, both good and bad combined, so we can rejoin our tribe.

It's a Catch-22 situation. The only way to defeat our fear of vulnerability is by being vulnerable. We have to let the mask(s) fall to reveal our scars and we have to engage our hearts. This is best done with a trusted member of your tribe, someone who loves you unconditionally and has your best in mind. You can begin with a small trickle of truth or relinquish the dam you've built all at once. The process isn't so important as is the willingness to accept yourself for all your imperfections and share it with another. The telling is what keeps us connected and honest. The how is just window dressing.

Fear will try to talk you out of it, but remember that the grand prize of connections and community is worth it. Barrel ahead and just do it.

To Be Vulnerable or Not?

Vulnerability is a four-letter word that is whispered in the dark. It's a nebulous mystery that appears dangerous to most, inciting a reverence and fear. When we are presented with an opportunity to be vulnerable, however, that reverence quickly evaporates. We often freeze, assess and quickly escape. Why? Because vulnerability is "the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally" (Google definition). We might be harmed, so our survival instincts rage in and we decide: Do I endure possible pain or do I choose to self-preserve? More often than not, we choose the latter.

I am no exception. My desire for self-preservation may exhibit itself a bit differently than yours. We all have our own manner of dysfunction. Mine presents itself through avoidance, denial and distraction. Generally, this looks like keeping my mind and/or body busy so I can't think or feel. Successful avoidance activities include marathoning Netflix shows or completing a to-do list of chores; or better yet, both at the same time. No time for reflection means no time for confrontation. Denial is simply a catalyst for continuing to avoid and distract myself from a problem.

Unfortunately, the problem is usually born out of a fear, often times illogical or easily "fixed." For me, the problem is usually connected to a lack of knowledge. Questions arise."How do I do this?" and "What way is best?" start the train rolling, but they are quickly followed by, "What if I make a mistake?" causing all other questions to stop.  Not knowing how to accomplish a task doesn't stir in me a fight or flight response, but more of a freeze. That last question echoes in my mind and I'm frozen, unable to move forward or backward.

But how then do you thaw the fear?

Answer: You confront it.

Disgust Exposed

Disgust saunters over, snatching the card from Fear's fingers. She glances at it once then throws it back into Fear's lap, barely missing her mug of hot chocolate. "Ridiculous!" she huffs, then throws herself into the armchair opposite the couch.

I look between Fear and Disgust, gauging the conflict. Fear looks more annoyed than scared, but as she sets her mug aside, I notice a slight tremble has returned to her fingers. I grind my teeth and turn scowling to Disgust. "What was that for? Can't you be happy for Fear?"

"Happy?" she scoffs. "She's exchanged one delusion for another. To think you can live in a world without conforming to another person's standards is not only stupid but impossible."

Fear whimpers slightly and I watch as Anger's shoulders tense and her back straightens, her body positioning itself for war. "Mind your words, Disgust..." she growls softly.

Disgust simply waves a hand in dismissal. "Sadness doesn't want to be alone and Fear doesn't want to be rejected. They want to be vulnerable and expose themselves to a firing squad, be my guest, but I have more decorum than brandishing my mistakes likes some bloody brand of dignity."

"And that's why no one likes you," peeps Sadness, nestling in beside Fear.

I try to hide my smile. Sadness finding a voice, I never thought I'd see the day.

But Disgust brushes it off too, holding her head high. "Thank you, Sadness. I don't need to be liked. I represent image and that is all that matters." She tosses her hair and begins to examine her nails.

"And why is that?"

Myths has reappeared, standing directly before Disgust. I can see her slowly remove her gaze from her nails to meet Myths'. Her body becomes rigid and her face drains of all color. "No..." she breathes.

He turns to address the rest of us. "Disgust wishes I do not share her deepest fear." She scrambles  to grab his arm to pull him back but he evades her with an easy side step. "While I am to remain impartial, I disagree with her request. As a result, I feel I must share with all of you--"

Disgust lunges at his legs. "Don't you dare!" she screeches, clawing up his body and clasping a hand over his mouth, at least, where his mouth is supposed to be.

It doesn't deter Myths, however. He continues to speak, as if to each of our minds. "As you can see, her desperation runs deep. Just as Fear didn't want to face her fear of creative rejection, so Disgust fights in her own why. Ironic that an image can turn so ugly, isn't it?" He turns his head to catch Disgust's gaze. She immediately releases him and melts back into her chair, pulling up her knees and curling into herself.

I measure the terror now gripping Disgust's hands to her knees. "She's obviously... disturbed," I begin, still marveling at the proud figure turned humble, "but what is it she fears?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Fear asks, speaking for the first time since her declaration of freedom. "She's afraid of being exposed."

Myths nods. "To be more precise, she is afraid of all her mistakes and failings being uncovered. In short, she is afraid of vulnerability."

"Oh," I murmur, hugging my arms to myself and gazing at Disgust's huddled form. The truth of Myths' words, again, cuts too close to home.

...