For months, nay, almost a year, this blog has fallen to the wayside, collecting dust. Recently, the siren's call of writing has wooed me back to this corner of the web to try my hand, again, at blogging.
But a word of caution: I have no idea what I'm doing.
When I first began this space, I thought of it as an oasis of freedom where I could come and be myself with no expectations, rules or judgment. The problem was I didn't know how to exist in a place of grace. Rules have forever dictated my actions. If I were living in a time of kings, I would probably be a most devoted and submissive serf, because I'm most comfortable in a place of order and clear expectations. This blog, however, was an adventure into a complete unknown. I was trying to break free of a ghost which has haunted me for years: Legalism.
According to dictionary.com, legalism is a "strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, especially to the letter rather than the spirit." That's as clear as mud (cliche' police!). Essentially, my mind has a system of rights and wrongs, defined by the loudest and most authoritative figure in my life. Said rule remains in effect until another, louder, authority is found.
Example: During college I was taught to be innovative and not use cliches when writing. I have already broken that rule more than once in this post and I am itching to find some other replacement to make this writing more fluid, engaging and novel.
This is but a small dose of a daily struggle against bondage to a system of legalism and it has stopped me from speaking here. Rules say, a successful blog is to have a definitive focus and theme, with an audience in mind. Perhaps I'm setting myself up for failure, but I don't have a theme other than the fact that I want to find freedom and a community in which we can dialogue honestly without fear that it's taboo to our respective circles of influence.
Today, I'm pushing past the rules and choosing to stop waiting until I have all the details figured out before moving forward. I don't know where this blog will go or if I will gain any followers. My goal is ambiguous, but fame is not one of them. I am simply giving in to the call.
Now is the time. Write. Move. Act. Do anything.
Just stop waiting.
